Why Your Team Sucks 2. Miami Dolphins. Some people are fans of the Miami Dolphins. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Miami Dolphins. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAYour 2. You guys made the playoffs!

Can you believe that? Man, I had completely forgotten about that. Real shock to scroll through the top of the draft order and NOT see this team there.

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2. D23 is upon us this weekend, and with it, a new behind-the-scenes glimpse at the next chapter in the Star Wars saga. But although the movie didn’t offer us a full.

Let’s see what went down once they reached the postseason… JESUS H. CHRIST! Dat’s gotta hoit! Anyway, that’s placebo QB Matt Moore, who was subbing for nominal starter Ryan Tannehill after Tannehill tore his ACL. As you know already, Tannehill tore that same ligament in a new place during the preseason and is already gone for the rest of 2. Between Tannehill’s injuries and Moore having his brain atomized, the Dolphins are arguably much crueler to their own quarterbacks than they are to those of the opposition.

Your coach: Oh look, it’s offensive guru and “Guy who got a job in the SNL writer’s room because Dad is a billionaire” Adam Gase! Honeymoon’s over, Gasey! You may have coasted into second place last year thanks to second helpings of the Jets and Bills, but now your QB is gone and you had to go begging and pleading for this… Your quarterback: HE’S BACK! But I’m using my whole ass!” Yes, Miami, time for you to drink in the full Jay Cutler experience. Watch in wonder as he takes five minutes to get from the sideline to the huddle! Gaze in awe as he throws the ball at the turf the second he senses his pass protection has broken down!

Marvel at his furious need to be intercepted! It’s all yours for six weeks before he goes down with a vague injury to his pointing finger and stays home to collect checks.

Make sure your children are vaccinated for mumps and rubella! Here’s a man who has publicly admitted he’s in lousy shape and only took the job because his wife made him do it. This is why it’s breathtakingly naïve to assume that Gase can magically conjure the Cutler of 2. AND his TDs, by the way) and had the best passer rating of his career. If you’re a Dolphins fan who is currently in denial—and really, denial tends to be your resting state—you can look at Cutler’s career numbers and Tannehill’s numbers and note that there’s very little dropoff, if any, between the two. Cutler is Tannehill!

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Tannehill is Cutler! THAT’S NOT ENCOURAGING. It’s not encouraging when the dude who’s supposed to be your franchise QB can’t post better numbers than the fat naked guy this team had to pull off the street to replace him. It’s not encouraging when Tannehill has all the pocket awareness of a man stricken blind 1. Look at the Dolphins before they were in supposed crisis mode: Cutler isn’t the only reason you are fucked, people. He’s merely a symptom of a greater disease, a disease to which he has not been immunized. What’s new that sucks: Uhhhh, Jarvis Landry is being investigated for battery, so that’s fun.

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Then he tweeted about the preseason being bullshit, and then there was this: I feel like Dolphins PR purposely leaked that Dolphins PR didn’t force Landry to shut up about his tweet because Dolphins PR DID force Landry to shut up about his tweet. Jordon Cameron retired before he could suffer his 9. The team also brought in aging linebacker Lawrence Timmons and tight end Julius Thomas, whose career trajectory after leaving Peyton Manning is a steeper drop than El Capitan. Laremy Tunsil apparently doesn’t know how to exit a shower correctly. Here’s a dead Dolphin: What has always sucked: Ndamukong Suh cannot stop kicking people. It really is amazing.

He has all the self- control of the President, and he’s gonna get another $1. Burfict- ing everyone this season. There’s no way that Miami pays to keep Suh around after this season, so I look forward to him not only burning every last bridge in Miami this season, but also stomping on the ashes when he thinks no one is looking. Also, Jay Ajayi is gonna suck this year. I know it. I can feel it in my loins.

No good Dolphins back stays good. After one good year, all of them transform into late- career Bernie Parmalee. As for this team’s fans… is anyone intimidated by a Dolphins fan, ever? Look at this group of tubby boat captains get into a fight in the stands. Every NFL Sunday, every sports bar on Earth has exactly one Dolphins fan sitting in it, wearing a Marino jersey, looking around for other Miami fans like he’s been frozen out at the school cafeteria. They are the two- dollar bill of the sports bar crowd.

Lemme tell you something, sad Dolphins fan at the bar: No one else is coming. It’s just you. You get to watch Cutler wing it to the Gatorade cooler on third- and- 1. Stephen Ross is America’s most pathetic social climber. That one Hootie song is god awful. Did you know? The Dolphins’ most famous thing in the last 2.

Ace Ventura. For everyone around my age, that is basically the only remotely positive connotation the Dolphins have. By the way, this team DID have a live Dolphin mascot in a stadium fish tank back in the 1. What a bunch of cheap shitbags. I DEMAND REAL DOLPHINS AND I DEMAND THEY KICK FIELD GOALS WITH THEIR LITTLE DOLPHIN FLIPPERS. Tell me attendance doesn’t triple if that happens. WHO SAYS NO? What might not suck: Honestly?

Cutler’s got a quality butt. I’d be proud to have that butt. HEAR IT FROM DOLPHINS FANS! Matt: Jay Cutler. Chris: I’ve been begging for the release/disappearance of Tannehill for years and boy did that become the biggest monkey paw wish in history. Albert: “Jay Cutler had his best season under offensive co- ordinator Adam Gase”**Looks up 2. Chicago Bears. 6- 1. Watch All The President`S Men Online Earnthenecklace.

NFC North.**Looks up how the Dolphins did following last playoff appearance (2. AFC East. Looking forward to it. Tyler: A month ago I would have said it’s because Ryan Tannehill was somehow approaching his fourth straight “make or break” season, which made no sense.

Maybe would have added a joke about how Tannehill couldn’t even fully tear his ACL. Ha ha ha! Except..

Now I would seriously give anything to go back to that situation. Eric: The Dolphins suck because somehow I consider beating the Jets and going 1- 1 against the Bills a successful season. Watch By Any Means Online Gorillavid. Chris: One time I called Randy Mc. Michael “Chris Chambers” to his face by accident, so I’m probably a racist. David: We took John Beck, Chad Henne, and Pat White in consecutive drafts. Brent: Can’t wait for Brady and Belichick to retire so we can get pummeled in the first round of the playoffs every two years instead of every eight years. Michael: Somehow, last year was the first year in as long as I can remember that the Dolphins didn’t do something inherently embarrassing to draw my ire, even going as far as making the playoffs Fast forward to now and I feel like Jay Cutler’s face looks.

Steve: Me (to Dad): So did you see that the Dolphins signed Jay Cutler? Dad: Yeah I saw that. Mom (Who has never watched an NFL game but has overheard my Dolphins lamentations for years): Doesn’t he suck?

Me: You’re thinking of Jay Fiedler.. David: The Dolphins are like watching an old lady try to save her lap dog from running into traffic and subsequently getting creamed by a semi. This team is a graveyard. Lewis: I grew up relatively close to New Orleans (rural Mississippi) and lived eight of the past 1. San Diego County.

All the Details and Secrets We Spotted in the Latest Star Wars: The Last Jedi Footage. D2. 3 is upon us this weekend, and with it, a new behind- the- scenes glimpse at the next chapter in the Star Wars saga. But although the movie didn’t offer us a full trailer, what we did get was still jam- packed with little hints and clues as to what’s to come for Luke, Leia, Rey, Finn, and Poe.

The opening salvo of the reel gives us a few intriguing shots of sets, locations, and characters. There’s a great big rocky set—which we’ll see later is actually home to a massive pool of water—the bridge of a Star Destroyer under construction, huts on Luke’s new home of Ahch- To, and rather spectacularly, Chewbacca getting his hair done. Some very slick looking speeders blanketed by the sun.

Judging by some of the things we see later on in this reel, these appear to be for the glitzy streets of Canto Bight, a casino world that both Finn (John Boyega) and new character Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran) venture to at some point in the movie. A poor camera man gets doused in red soil—meaning that this is presumably Crait, the mineral planet from the first trailer and seemingly the site of a really major battle at some point in the film, judging by some of the character’s we’ll later see filming stuff on this new planet. Rey (Daisy Ridley) pops up from behind a camera, giving us a good look at the hairstyle so secret it somehowbecame a months- long Star Wars rumor. Night on Ahch- To..

Luke would maybe invite Chewie to stay in his home, but apparently not, as the Wookiee goes solo camping with the Falcon. When he’s not stealing Poe’s clothes, Finn seems like at some point he’ll be donning a Resistance pilot flight suit. It’s not the orange of Poe and his fellow X- Wing pilots, so maybe Finn suits up to use one of those big gunships we saw in the first trailer’s space battle. One of the most mysterious, intriguing shots of the whole reel is this one we see of General Leia (the late, ever- great Carrie Fisher). She’s not on a bridge of a Resistance ship as we’ve seen repeatedly already, but instead looking distraught on the grey, cracked surface of a planet.

It doesn’t quite look like Crait, and it doesn’t look like what we’ve seen of Ahch- To either, so could it be a new world altogether? Our first look at a pivotal scene that’s presumably from the earliest moments of the film, knowing that it picks up immediately after the end of The Force Awakens: Rey returns the Skywalker family lightsaber to its former owner, Luke (Mark Hamill). Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) goes business formal, keeping the helmet but ditching his pleated robes for a First Order officer’s tunic and a new, totally- trying- to- be- grandpa cloak. In fact, there’s been a rumor that it might literally be Vader’s cloak, so there’s a possibility that poor Ben has gone full cosplay. The location he’s on looks very Death Star, but it’s likely Supreme Leader Snoke’s grand Star Destroyer—referred to in reports as a Mega Destroyer—which we’ve heard is a pivotal location in the film. Here’s a look at what Kylo’s staring at in the above shot—which definitely looks like a big- ass throne for Snoke to sit in, seemingly confirming this is the Mega Destroyer the First Order’s leader calls home.

A reverse look at that big explosion we see Poe (Oscar Isaac) and BB- 8 run to in the first trailer—one that gives us our first really good look at the A- Wings, making their return to the franchise in both original red and Resistance White/Blue flavors. Look at these adorable little space heroes! Sure, it’s an isolated behind- the- scenes shot, but could it imply that all four of our young heroes will be meeting up in the film at some point? We know at the very least a few will, thanks to some later shots in the reel.

Our first look at a nasty- looking new weapon for the Stormtroopers (or at least a special version of them, given the new black shoulder pads). Previous reports described this clawed battlestaff as also being electrified, because the big spikey claws didn’t quite look sinister enough as is.

This gorgeous animatronic creature looks a little more The Last Guardian than The Last Jedi. The environment seems to match set pictures from filming for Canto Bight, some of the first pictures ever seen from filming— and the gated, horse- esque creature could be from a stable we recently heard of in a set report that Finn and Rose duck into during an elaborate chase sequence that ends up with them riding this creature, allegedly called a Falthier. Look, I don’t have anything to add here other than HOW COOL DOES THIS ICY WOLF LOOK!? A very tiny Casino staff member on Canto Bight prepares his space- gambling table. The design is very reminiscent of Colonel Gascon from Clone Wars, who was from a diminutive race called the Zilkin. Our best look yet at Laura Dern’s mysterious new character—Resistance Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo.

She might be sharing a warm greeting with General Organa here, but we’ve heard quite a few reports that she ends up playing a more antagonistic role despite being on the hero’s side. The internet’s boyfriend Poe Dameron takes his seat in a cockpit—one that appears to be a cockpit of one of the Resistance Skimmers we saw gorgeously gliding across Crait’s salted surface in the first trailer. This seemingly innocuous shot of Chewie might come during a jokey sequence from John Boyega mocking director Rian Johnson, but note the environment: he’s on the Resistance ship bridge set we’ve seen Poe, Leia, and Finn all on as well. Given it doesn’t appear that he instantly returns to the Resistance after dropping Rey on Ahch- To, could he have come back with a few more passengers in tow when he eventually does?

We saw the very close- up version of this in the trailer itself, but this wider shot gives us a better look at the fact that Rey is seemingly charging into battle on Ahch- To. There’s been a report floating around forever about a major duel on the planet featuring Rey, Luke, Kylo Ren, and the Knights of Ren themselves—could those be the opponents she’s running to meet here? Here’s a really good look at the full extent of the scar Rey gave Kylo Ren during their Force Awakens duel. You’ll note, as we previously reported, Kylo’s scar has moved a couple inches to the side compared to where Rey actually slashed him—a continuity- bending choice by Rian Johnson because he thought the first scar placement looked goofy. Luke stands tall on Ahch- To, but he’s had a change of clothes from his white robes.

We got a brief glimpse of this look at Star Wars Celebration a few months ago, but this our best full look at it. This shot was heavily obscured in the initial trailer, but if you didn’t notice, here’s confirmation that Captain Phasma (Gwendoline Christie) and a bunch of Stormtroopers are responsible for that massive explosion aboard the Resistance ship Poe is on. Dirty Dancing Full Movie In English more.

Note the unfortunate tattered ruins of Black Leader’s X- Wing in the foreground. Speaking of Black Leader, here’s Poe sliding into a trench on what appears to be Crait—could this be earlier in the same sequence we saw at the very start of the reel?

Rose, with a different hairstyle, sits on the landing bay of the Millennium Falcon. You can just make out that she’s been crying, so something pretty bad’s probably happened.. But first, a very quick look at another mysterious new addition to the Star Wars galaxy, played by Benicio Del Toro. We know nothing about this character other than the fact that he was referred to on set as “DJ”.